If you have been invited to a Hindu wedding for the first time, you may have questions. Why does it take so long? Why are there so many rituals? What is happening when the couple walks around the fire? Can I eat before the ceremony ends?
This guide is for you. It is also for Hindu couples planning their ceremony who want to understand what they are actually doing — because, surprisingly, many couples go through these rituals without knowing their meaning.
Why Hindu Weddings Are So Long
A civil marriage ceremony in the West takes perhaps ten minutes. A Hindu vivah (wedding) can run three to seven hours, sometimes spread across multiple days.
This is not inefficiency. It is theology.
In Hindu tradition, marriage (vivah) is one of the sixteen samskaras — sacred rites of passage that mark the major transitions of a human life. It is not merely a legal contract between two people. It is a karmic bond, a spiritual covenant witnessed by the sacred fire (Agni), the planets, the ancestors, and the gods. The couple is not just marrying each other — they are taking on obligations to dharma, to family lineage, to future children, and to society.
When you understand that, the length makes sense. You would not rush the signing of a contract that lasts multiple lifetimes.
Pre-Wedding Ceremonies
The main wedding day is typically preceded by several events. You may be invited to any or all of these.
Mehendi (Henna Night) Women gather at the bride’s home, usually the evening before the wedding. A mehendi artist applies intricate henna patterns to the bride’s hands and feet — and usually to the hands of female relatives and guests. The tradition says the deeper the color of the bride’s henna, the stronger her husband’s love. It is a lively, festive evening with music and laughter.
Sangeet (Music Night) A celebration of music and dance — families from both sides perform choreographed dances, sing traditional songs, and generally try to embarrass the couple affectionately. In many families, the Sangeet has become an elaborate production. In others, it is a simple gathering. Either way, it is usually the most fun evening of the wedding week.
Haldi (Turmeric Ceremony) On the morning of the wedding, turmeric paste (haldi) is applied to both bride and groom — separately, at their respective homes — by family members. Turmeric is antiseptic, auspicious, and brightening. The ceremony is meant to purify and bless the couple before the sacred rituals. It is also messy and joyful. Wear old clothes if you attend.
The Main Ceremony
Baraat (Groom’s Procession) The wedding begins with the groom’s arrival — the baraat. The groom comes to the wedding venue in a procession, often on a decorated horse (or sometimes an elephant, a vintage car, or in some modern venues, a golf cart). His family and friends dance around him to dhol (drum) music. The energy is festive and loud. This is not the time for quiet reflection.
Varmala (Garland Exchange) The bride’s family receives the groom at the entrance. The bride and groom exchange flower garlands (varmala) — a symbolic acceptance of each other. Traditionally, the groom’s male relatives lift him up so the bride cannot easily garland him; the bride’s relatives do the same for her. There is playful competition. It is meant to be funny.
Ganesh Puja Before any major Hindu ceremony, Ganesha is invoked first. The pandit (priest) performs a brief prayer to the remover of obstacles, asking him to bless the union and clear the path for the rituals ahead.
Kanyadaan — The Most Sacred Moment Kanya means “daughter.” Daan means “gift.” In Kanyadaan, the bride’s father (or father figure) places his daughter’s hands in the groom’s hands, with water flowing between them, and gives her away. The pandit recites sacred verses. The bride’s father accepts the groom as his son.
This is considered the most sacred and emotionally charged moment of the entire wedding. Many fathers weep. Many do not make it through without their voice breaking. If you are watching, be quiet and respectful. This is the heart of the ceremony.
Saptapadi — The Seven Steps The bride and groom walk around the sacred fire (Agni) seven times, taking seven steps together. Each step represents a vow:
- Food and nourishment — we will provide for each other and our family
- Strength — we will support each other through difficulties
- Prosperity — we will share our resources and build a life together
- Wisdom — we will pursue knowledge and righteousness
- Progeny — we will welcome children and nurture the next generation
- Health and longevity — we will care for each other’s wellbeing
- Friendship and devotion — above all, we will be true friends
After the seventh step, the marriage is complete. These seven steps, in Hindu law, are what constitutes the marriage — not the signing of a register.
Sindoor Ceremony The groom applies red vermilion powder (sindoor) to the parting of the bride’s hair. This mark — which the bride will wear for the rest of her married life — is the most visible sign of her married status. It is a profoundly intimate moment.
Mangalsutra The groom ties the mangalsutra — a sacred black-and-gold beaded necklace — around the bride’s neck. Like a wedding ring in Western tradition, the mangalsutra is worn by a married Hindu woman as long as her husband is alive.
Dress Code for Guests
Women: A saree or salwar kameez is ideal and always welcome. Lehenga (skirt and blouse set) is also appropriate. Western formal wear is acceptable at many modern Hindu weddings, but if you have the option, Indian dress is warmly appreciated and you will fit in beautifully.
Men: A kurta pajama (traditional Indian shirt and trousers) is the most appreciated choice. A suit is fine. Avoid very casual clothing.
For everyone: Avoid white. In Hindu tradition, white is associated with mourning and widowhood. Wear color — any color. The brighter the better. Red, orange, yellow, pink, and gold are all auspicious.
Gifts
Cash in a sealed envelope is the most practical and traditional gift. It is not gauche — it is actually the most helpful thing you can give a couple starting a household. The amount should be comfortably round: amounts like ₹501, $51, $101, $251 are traditional (odd numbers ending in 1 are considered auspicious).
Household items — good quality cookware, linens, or appliances from the registry — are also excellent. Avoid alcohol unless you are certain the family is comfortable with it.
What Not to Do
Do not wear white. This cannot be stressed enough.
Do not arrive exactly on time. There is a reason the phrase “Indian Standard Time” exists. Ceremonies routinely start 30-60 minutes late. Arriving 20-30 minutes after the stated start time is perfectly normal. Arriving on the dot often means standing around waiting.
Do not refuse prasad. When the priest or family member offers you prasad (sanctified food — usually sweets) after the puja, accept it with both hands and eat it. Refusing is considered disrespectful to the deity being honored. If you have dietary restrictions, accept it graciously and set it aside quietly.
Do not talk loudly during the Saptapadi or Kanyadaan. These are the sacred core of the ceremony. Put your phone down.
Regional Variations
It is worth knowing that “a Hindu wedding” is not one thing. India has 28 states, hundreds of sub-traditions, and wildly different regional wedding customs.
North Indian weddings (Punjab, UP, Rajasthan, Delhi) tend to be elaborate, loud, multi-day affairs with heavy emphasis on Baraat processions, Sangeet nights, and a lot of dancing. The ceremony uses Hindi-language mantras.
South Indian weddings (Tamil, Telugu, Kannada, Malayalam) are often quieter and more ritually precise. The Muhurtam (auspicious time) is taken very seriously — ceremonies may start at 6am. The bride often wears a cream or gold saree rather than red. The rituals include the Kanyadaan, but the structure differs significantly. Mantras are in Sanskrit or the regional language.
Bengali, Gujarati, Maharashtrian weddings each have their own beloved traditions — the shankha and pola (conch and coral bangles) in Bengali weddings, the saat phere with specific regional songs in Gujarati ceremonies, the antarpat (curtain between bride and groom) at the start of a Maharashtrian wedding.
If you are attending a wedding from a tradition you are unfamiliar with, it is perfectly fine to quietly ask a family member what is happening. Most families are delighted to explain.
The ceremony is long. The food is good. The rituals are beautiful when you understand them. Sit back, be present, and let yourself be moved — because if the Kanyadaan does not make you feel something, you may need to check your pulse.